During the first year, I was focusing on becoming a parish priest. I didn't know anything else about Holy Orders but the active ministry of serving the people in the local parishes, or traveling on different countries for mission trips.
I was unaware of the other side of Religious Life, of contemplative orders. I only started to discover the purpose and meaning of these great men and women who decided to live in a convent or monastery for the rest of their lives for the first time through studying the lives of the Saints.
It sounded crazy at first of why a totally capable, if not outstanding individual, would choose to live within the cloistered wall, completely removed from the outside world—until I read the classic spiritual writings of St. John of the Cross (Ascent to Mt. Carmel, The Dark Night of the Soul), St. Teresa of Avila (The Way of Perfection), The Lives of the Desert Fathers, St. Catherine of Sienna (Dialogues), St. Theresa of Lisieux (The Story of a Soul), St. Thomas Aquinas (Summa Theologica on Contemplation) and other Doctors of the Church.
Wow! The sheer depth and insight to the spiritual life of these great Mystics of the Church was describing my heart's own deepest yearning for the ultimate, intimate, union with God that is possible in this short life of ours.
By God's grace and prompting, I discovered a group of Monks called the Carthusians in the seminary library while I was doing my assignment for religious class. I was captivated by their way of life! I couldn't stop thinking of how it was like to be one of them. At first, I prayed about it hard, thinking my desire to become a monk would pass away after the first initial emotional attraction - but again I was wrong! I was already eager to join the Carthusians during my second year of my seminary formation. I had not told anyone about what I was thinking, except to my Spiritual Director Fr. Prior of Westminster Abbey; he suggested that it was better that I finish my degree before joining the Order. "What's the rush?" was all he said, and I agreed.
Years went by quickly and my attraction only grew more intensely from within. Nobody knew in the seminary, even my family, that I was discerning the Carthusian Life up until I finished my Bachelor's Degree (History & Philosophy Major).
And now, with God's grace and goodness, with prayer and support, I am in the process of joining a religious group with the same peace and joy that initially led me to enter the seminary. The journey continues... as I surrender everything for the love of God and His people.
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